Conversations with a Father
by youcanttakethesky
Summary: A series of oneshots in the life of Conor Book Washburne. Same universe as my other stories “Captures of a Son” and “Conor’s War.” Don’t have to read them first but it might make sense too.


**Conversations with a Father**

_Disclaimer- I do not own Firefly or any of the recognizable characters. I do own Conor and the other kids though. Yay for me._

_Summary- A series of one-shots in the life of Conor Book Washburne. Same universe as my other stories "Captures of a Son" and "Conor's War." Don't have to read them first but it might make sense too._

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_Chinese Translations_

_Didi- younger brother_

_wo ai ni- I love you_

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**Chapter 1**

Conor Book Washburne made his way over a small hill on Haven. The sun was just beginning to rise and the sky shown a dim blue. As he got to the top of the hill he could make out the markers off in the distance.

He went first to the grave of Mr. Universe and placed a rock on the marker. Next he stood before a smiling image of Shepard Book and spent a moment recalling stories of how his namesake had often defied the norms of a Shepard to aid the crew. He said a Buddhist prayer Inara had taught him as a boy before moving on.

He sat down in front of his father's grave. "Hey Daddy," he said. He sat silently for a while, picking at the dirt with the toe of his boot. "So I guess you probably know that Kaylee had a baby. Named him Hoban, well Hobie. After you. Momma she said you'd be mad cause you didn't like your name much but I think I saw her cry a little."

"Inara's bout to have hers too. Got so big she can barely sit down. Course didn't stop her from giving Jayne a black eye with a hunk of protein when he made a comment." Conor laughed at the memory. "Anyway we landed here for a while so's that Kaylee could get a little rest and not worry on the state of the engine."

Conor paused for a while. He wasn't really sure why he'd come here in the first place. He'd told his mother he was going for a walk. When she'd given him a skeptical look he reminded her he was almost eleven and capable of walking round Haven without an escort. She'd let him go on the condition that he'd brought a comm. with him. He had walked around for a while before finding himself heading towards the makeshift graveyard.

He'd been feeling a pull at his insides every since Hobie was born and something had brought him here. As he sat there, images flashed through his young mind. Simon walking out of the infirmary holding the small wiggling bundle. A look of pure joy and pride on his face. He saw Mal sitting with Inara's head resting in his lap with his hands resting protectively over her stomach. Simon napping with little Hobie resting on his chest. Before he knew it Conor let out a sob.

"It's not fair," he said, pulling his knees up to his chest. "All you had to do was get up out of that gorram chair and then you'd be here. Momma says you were babbling something bout being a leaf. Why didn't you just move?" He punched the stone of the marker, scraping his knuckles until they bled.

Conor didn't know how long he sat there before he heard the footsteps behind him. He figured it was his mother coming looking for him so he hastily wiped the tears away. The hand that came to rest on his shoulder however was not his mother's. It was slender and delicate.

"_Didi_ should not be sad," River said as she came to sit crossed legged next to him. "Momma is worried. Cap'n Daddy thinks something's wrong."

Conor looked up at the woman who his whole life had seemed support him with a quiet understanding. "Why do I feel like this?" he asked.

"Something's always missing. Always uncles. Never Daddies. Now Daddies everywhere."

Conor wiped his nose on his sleeve. "Why didn't he just move faster?"

"Not his way. Serenity moves for him. Died knowing though."

"Knowing what?"

"Serenity was safe. Wife was safe. All that mattered."

Conor stared at the capture of his father that played repeatedly on the marker. "Sometimes I hate Hobie," he whispered. "When Simon is playing with him. It isn't fair. I wish he was here."

River seemed to think for a while. Then she took his face in both her hands. "Is here," she said. He closed his eyes and willed himself to not start crying again. She pushed his shaggy hair away from his face and traced the crease of his forehead, "Here." Gently touched his mouth and smiled, "Here. Same jokes. Same voice." Then she ran her fingers over his eyelids and he opened his eyes. "Here," she finished. "The dino pilot. All inside." Leaning forward she kissed his forehead.

"Brother doesn't understand. But he will. Simon slept with baby brother on his chest when Zoë was being a pirate. Cap'n Daddy made faces so brother would laugh. Merc man Jayne played peak-a-boo. Uncles are daddies too" Obviously now done speaking River stood up and walked away.

Conor stayed for a few minutes trying to digest what he had learned. Taking a deep breath he reached out and gently brushed his father's grave with his fingers. "_Wo ai ni_ Daddy," he said. Then he stood up and followed River back towards Serenity.

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_tbc_

_please review_


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